Signpost in Gran Canaria
During all our travels in different countries, we have come across some very interesting signs for English speakers, translated by bilinguals, not Google translator, presumably 
– sometimes they are so inaccurate but at the same time hilariously funny that they often have me in stitches. For crying out loud, what the hell are they thinking when they put that sign up?
I’m listing dozens of such discoveries around the world which have been compiled, not by me, but some unknown stranger – it was something that came to my attention/email quite a while ago. I do not have the name of each sign spotters, hence I can’t give credit to them here. However, following a bit of shuffling and sorting by myself, I am hoping to put a smile on your face, making your work day a shade brighter by sharing a host of samples, from whatever languages into English. The outcome? You be the judge
Asian Delights
Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
Advert for donkey rides in Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
Advert by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
Car rental brochure in Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
In a Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Fun Hotels around the World
That Made My Day
Hotel brochure in Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel lobby in Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
A Simple Translation: THIS WAY
Hotel elevator in Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel in Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel in Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Using a hotel air conditioner in Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
Hotel in Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Hotel in Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel in Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Can I Help You, Sir?
In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER
Cocktail lounge in Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Doctor’s office in Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY – NO ICE-CREAM.
From a menu in Poland:
SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.
It’s about civilisation, not guns
Let’s go travel & check out the signs!
On an Arctic River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Fight Illiteracy:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
From the “Soviet Weekly”:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
Tourist agency in Czech Republic:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.
Airline ticket office in Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
A laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING GOOD TIME.
Excuse my French – My apologies to young readers
Note for those needing translators – make sure that you get a professional translator, not the cowboy ones, in order to avoid being a laughing stock to a world-wide audience !
I hope you have enjoyed these wonderful signs in English – please share what you have seen in your travels. I would love to add more to my list
Here is a website for more Hilarious Chinese Signs in English and below.
You don’t have to understand the Chinese
Since the publication of the post this morning, here comes another one:
From a menu in a cafe near Warsaw PORK JOINT SAUTE WITH CHAMPIONIONS - spotted in July this year by Diana MH.
Another great find by Monita Hung below, discovered in Sanya, China:
Oh, Junying, thank you! I needed this on a Monday morning. HILARIOUS!
Lisa, I’m so glad that it made your day and had you laughing
Have a great week, my sweet friend
Hahaha! Junying, some of these are ridiculous. Certainly a good case for getting proper translation!
Hmm … wouldn’t that be a wonderful job – travel and correctly translate signs all over the world?
eden
Eden, if such a job exists, I’ll certainly have a go at it
Could be a future job creation scheme for some countries in need of good translators 
I enjoyed your blog post today. It was very amusing. Thank you for sharing the different “translation problems” that you have collected.
Cheers,
Ardee-ann
Thanks for stopping by and leaving encouraging comments. Ardee-ann. Pleased to hear that you found it amusing
These were hilarious! Thanks for bringing some laughter to my Monday! Cheers!
Rob, I’m delighted that your day is brighter as a result of this post – keep laughing, all the way through the week
!
A friend posted your link on Facebook and I truly enjoyed it.
Living in Korea the last two years has given me lots of opportunity to experience “Engrish.” I think my all-time favorite is the “fried dumpings” I saw on a restaurant menu. (Not one to take unnecessary chances with food, I ordered something else.)
Thanks for the laugh!
Hi David.
Thanks for popping in and sharing your find
I must be very careful when I visit Korea at the end of October 
. At the same time, I’ll try and note down some more great signs and menu translations 
It’s my pleasure to share and make people laugh.
I really enjoyed this post. I was laughing out loud
Glad to make you laugh, Marie. Keep the positive vibe and enjoy your week!
These were brilliant, Junying! I’ve honestly had a bad Monday and Tuesday, and this is the reason I’ve only been able to read your hilarious post now. One thing’s for sure though, you’ve made me laugh so much, it’s covered both days!!!! Oh gosh, too funny for words.
‘We take your bags and send them in all directions?” ROFLMAO. They were all funny.
I’ve seen a few of these in my time, but you’ve just blown it all out of the water. THANK YOU for uplifting my spirits.
Take care.
Sandra,
I’m so glad – I kind of sensed that you were busy and possibly stressed
. I thought this would be a good tonic to chase away blues, or even just for a laugh – they do wonders to lift our spirits 
Hope the rest of your week is better! Keep smiling
!
What on earth are Fuck Goods? Heh. I’ve seen some of these – the name for this sort of … urhm, translation … is “Engrish” and my husband loves and collects it. But I saw some new ones today
Thanks!
Katy, I’m glad that your husband collects such delights and hope you both had a good laugh
As for the Chinese translation, we had a bit of discussion on one of the Facebook groups, here is my reply: Literary translation for that F word should be ‘dry’ goods, such as dry mushrooms (instead of fresh ones), and certain preserved food. The word ‘dry’ in Chinese also means ‘do’ in another context. One of my friend says: As for the “F vegetable” I think it’s a matter of someone taking the piss because even for anyone with half of a brain would not make such a cock-up. Even machine would not come up with more nonsensical translation. I would like to think a translator agreed to do the job at a rock bottom price and decided to make a point.
There you go. Got to love people who have a sense of humour, even if they didn’t mean to make you laugh
Ummm, where is that hotel where you are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid?
Perry, Japan sounds a great place to visit for guys, Chambermaid, Geisha, not to mention fugu fish as delicacy
Good to see you here
What fun!
I saw a menu translation in the Azores – Kebabs became Roasted Pricks.
And on my last visit to Nepal I could have had an ear, back and leg massage!
Thanks for visiting and sharing your find, Jo – ear massage could be very ticklish and then make you laugh, hence relaxing you
perhaps you should try it next time 
?
Emm, the roasted pricks, a local delicacy
?
So funny, Junying. Thailand is famous for its signs. Near my house is a sign that reads: City Limit– Induce speed- it been there for years. Thanks for making my day– even though I’m a bit late.
So glad that you had a laugh with the rest of us, Dannie – I think Asia is a hotbed for hilarious English sign posts – I’m taking my notebook with me when I visit Thailand
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