Another pop star dies young. In the 60s that was nothing out of the ordinary. In the caring, sharing 21st century it is a tragedy. Today’s death of blues singer Amy Winehouse, aged 27, has hit the news and Twittersphere, offering a welcome relief for many from the stale and depressing tales of phone hacking and the imminent demise of News International.
In reality she was a one hit wonder, with one super album, Back to Black. A generation took her to their hearts, especially those middle class girls who began knocking back the vodkas at 12 and reached a steady state of alcoholism by 14. Her life became such a train wreck it made them feel like they were in control of theirs.
Britain has a real problem with alcohol. The media talk about drugs and alcohol, while alcohol is itself a drug and the most destructive of the lot. Forget heroin and cocaine, neither come close to the cost to society of the demon drink. The big problem is alcoholics are often called “heavy drinkers” and that hides the fact that they have gone beyond the point of no return.
One of my mates at university became an alcoholic and then a heroin addict when the beer was no longer enough of a suppressant for his feelings. He eventually gassed himself with the exhaust from his Father’s car in a suburban home in Merseyside. He was a brilliant medical student, and had just graduated near the top of his class.
Another friend, who began drinking heavily at university became an alcoholic and was told that another week’s drinking would take his liver past the point of no recovery. He finally listened and gave up completely. He now has to live in a remote village in the Lake District to keep him away from his “mates” who would have him drinking again within a few weeks, and in a wooden box within a year.
We worry about nuclear power plants, flooding, mugging and a thousand other things, but alcoholism is the massive hidden problem in today’s society. It is hidden by a media full of addicts, by an advertising industry with its nose in the trough. It is hidden by jokes. It is hidden by three thousand years of the socialisation of drinking.
We now have people with dementia as young as 30, caused by alcohol rotting their brains. What are we going to do with them for the next 30 years before they die? Alcohol is too cheap, too much of a crutch to too many people, and there is too much money to be made from it. I’m having a beer as I write this – my first for about a week. I’m enjoying it, but it’s just one drink. I’m glad it doesn’t have to be two or three to satisfy me. Maybe I’m lucky I’m not the addictive type.
Do you know anyone who has got an alcohol and drug problem? I’d welcome your comments if you’d like to share your views.
I’d LIKE to chalk it up to natural selection, but perhaps the tongue-in-cheek answer isn’t the only one. I’m the child of two alcoholics, and LOVE to drink, myself. Sometimes I drink more than I should, but not enough to imperil myself. I also stay in reasonable shape, being in the military. Because of my heritage and self-observations, though, I sometimes make myself stay away from the beer for a week or two, just to make sure I can. Sometimes, I find myself thinking about the booze too much for comfort during those times. But I make myself do it, and I win. I also have a wife who’s called me out a few times, and when she says something, I listen to her about it.
Who did that for Amy Winehouse? Yeah, I blame her for her death, but that doesn’t absolve the people around her for letting her do it to herself. With all that money, they could have checked her into something, somewhere. There are people doing time for having a little weed, so you’re kidding me they couldn’t have found a way to put her away until she was clean. It’s kinda like those fat people on TV that weigh 500lbs and can’t get out of bed. Who’s paying for the food? Who’s going grocery shopping? Yeah, I rest the blame firmly on the deceased’s own shoulders for what happened, but there are some people involved that I really hope don’t sleep right for quite some time.
Lincoln,
Thank you very much for stopping by and sharing your experiences and views. Yes, I totally agree with you that there are other people who should feel responsible for Amy’s demise. What have they done to help her? Surely those who receive pay checks from her could do more and how about those friends and family?
I also agree with John that binge drinking is a huge problem in our society. I used to have a good friend who claimed that he was only a ‘social drinker’ and I could tell that he was happiest when pouring down drinks one after another in a pub, and all his socialising was conducted in bars and pubs. I also LOVE to have a few drinks and enjoy a good time with friends. Give me a cocktail and I’ll be a happy bunny! But we have lost a few good friends over the years simply because we are not into drinking as much as they do, which is quite sad.
Thanks again and best of luck!
Junying
Amy Winehouse’s death is a tragedy. So was the death of Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain. They all died at 27 and they all struggled with addiction.
There is no doubt that the people around her enabled her. Unfortunately, that’s all too common when it comes to family and friends of the addicted. But they can’t be held responsible for Amy’s death. And in some ways, Amy can’t either. The common misconception is addiction is a choice. Amy lost control the second her addiction became full-blown. The disease drove her, made choices for her, made her continue to get high. What was missing: her desire to get clean. You can’t force someone to want to get sober. An addict can’t get sober for their family and friends. The only way sobriety is achieved is if the addict gets sober for him/herself. I have to assume Amy didn’t want to get sober and there could be many reasons for that. On the flip side, she may have wanted sobriety, but her disease was too loud.
Once an addict gets sober, like Amy had done in the past, there’s lots of maintenance involved. It’s a lifelong dedication to sobriety, which involves meetings, sponsorship, support groups, and practice of the Twelve Steps. Anything can trigger an addict to use again. They learn how to control these triggers in rehab, but unless they’re dedicated and committed, they will relapse like Amy did. I can’t even begin to understand the pressure involved in the music industry. I’m not using that as an excuse, but Amy was just like any other person, famous or not, struggling with something that was too strong for her to control.
I’ve spent years researching this disease and it’s a complicated one. I’ve been an enabler. I’ve also written a novel about addiction. I’m not an addict, but I’ve watched close friends and family die from addiction. It’s not my fault that I’ve lost friends and family. I did everything I could to help them. But there was nothing I, or anyone else, could have done to stop the course of their disease.
Marni,
Many thanks for your response – I knew you would have a lot to say about addiction, due to your research, your book and your experience with those who are affected by addiction. Your argument is strong and convincing – yes, it’s hard to put the blame on people, either themselves or other people around them, and it’s also hard to pinpoint who exactly is responsible for the kind of tragedy which occurs around us everyday.
I knew John’s piece and views would cause debate and I hope Amy’s passing would make people reflect on the kind of causes and enabling factors, in your words, that has led her to such an untimely yet not totally unsurprising death.
I know your book will be highly anticipated and now more than ever I look forward to reading it and get a deeper understanding of the issue of addiction and how that affect the victims, their families and friends. I’m very sorry about your loss, and I applaud your efforts to explore this important modern issue and share your personal and heartbreaking experience with others. There are lessons to be learnt in many ways, and your book will help many in similar situations.
Many thanks for commenting and for sharing it on Twitter. Speak soon!
Junying
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14274392 provides interesting discussion on parents’ responses to the addictions of their child. My stepson was a tobacco smoker and gave up on his own – he just decided that he no longer needed to do it aged 18. He knew we didn’t like him smoking and had to go outside to do so. Not sure our disapproval had much effect either way !
John, thanks for the link – I just visited the site and I think that Amy Winehouse’s death has provoked a lot of responses from parents of addicts and many others who have grave concerns over addiction. Hopefully it will be a wake-up call for some and saving them from further abuse. Personally I believe that self-control is one important factor, but as Marni said above, it is a very complicated disease, and many of us just don’t understand its causes and how they can be helped.